PARENTING AND DISCPLINE

 

PARENTING AND DISCPLINE

Parenting doesn't end when your child graduates from diapers or even from middle school. In fact, the teen years can bring some of the toughest discipline challenges parents have to face.

Sometimes their actions and behaviors bring about frustration and anger   which makes you feel like you need to react at that right second, when in fact, it’s perfectly okay to take time and pause before you say or do anything at all.

In fact, you’ll find when you’re frustrated with your child’s behavior, and hoping that the question of “why did you do that” or “why did you do this” will give you some insight to what’s going on underneath the surface, it’s usually end up with “I don’t know.

Discipline Strategies that can be harmful

Physical discipline

Physical discipline is anything that is done to a child to cause physical pain or discomfort in response to their behaviour. Physical discipline includes smacking, hitting, spanking, slapping, pinching or pulling.

Many studies have found that physical discipline can have long-lasting negative effects on a child, including:

• increased aggression and antisocial behaviour 
• teaching children that violence is OK
• low self-esteem
• mental health problems
• a poor relationship between the child and parent.

Shouting or shaming

Shouting or yelling may be an understandable response when parents are frustrated; however, studies have found that repeated shouting at children can have similar harmful effects to physical discipline.

Being shouted at, especially by someone much older than them is very stressful for a child. Shouting does not improve children’s behaviour, and it can lead to more behavioural problems (e.g. increased aggression) and mental health issues (e.g. anxiety, depression) in the future.  

Verbal abuse

How words hurt. Yelling at children and using words to cause emotional pain or shame also has been found to be ineffective and harmful. Harsh verbal discipline, even by parents who are otherwise warm and loving, can lead to more misbehavior and mental health problems in children. Research shows that harsh verbal discipline, which becomes more common as children get older, may lead to more behavior problems and symptoms of depression in teens.

Isolation as punishment

Spending long periods in isolation without explanation or emotional support can be harmful for young children. Being isolated (especially at a time when they are upset) can be perceived as rejection, which can cause distress and confusion for your child. 

At times it can be effective to take your child away from a challenging situation and have a quiet change of scene, but it is not helpful to keep them away for longer than the recommended period of one minute per year of age.

Way Forward

As children become more independent, they still lack the emotional maturity they need to make informed, thoughtful decisions. The parts of the brain that control decision making and impulse control haven't fully developed. The combination of autonomy and immaturity can lead to risky child behaviors, like drinking, smoking, and having unprotected sex.

Since the goal of discipline is to gain more control over the child without being too controlling therefore, parent have to very careful when it comes to discipling a child.

Set Clear Rules

Children push boundaries to see how their parents will respond. It's important to establish clear rules, and to have consequences for breaking those rules

Put the rules in Writing

So that there can be no misunderstandings, create a formal list of house rules, or type up a behavior contract that you and your teen sign. Post the list or contract on the fridge or in another central location where your children won't be able to miss it.

Be Firm and Consistent

Children are master negotiators and manipulators. They are good at spotting any sign of parental weakness. They are going to expect the same response every time they misbehave or break a rule.

Being consistent about teen discipline also means that both parents need to be on the same page. If one parent always says "yes" and the other always says "no," your teen is going to know exactly which parent to ask. While you're being firm, don't forget to also be fair and understanding. A little empathy goes a long way when disciplining teens.

Be a Good Role Model

If the rule is "No swearing in the house" and you curse like a sailor, you're giving your children a free pass to do the same. The best way to encourage positive children behaviors is to walk the talk yourself.

Teach Responsibility

An important part of parenting teenagers is to teach them how to make decisions. Children need to learn that whatever choices they make good or bad have consequences. Sit down and talk about some of the dangerous and long-term consequences that risky behaviors can have, including drug abuse, pregnancy, smoking, and drunk driving.

Know that no matter how well you prepare your kids, they're going to make some mistakes. The important thing is to show them how to learn from those mistakes.

Stay Involved

One of the best ways to prevent children bad behavior is to know what your child are up to. You don't need to spy on your teens or listen in on their phone conversations you just need to be an involved and interested parent. Ask what your children are doing when they go out with friends. Know who they hang out with and where they go.

Being an involved parent also means watching for any warning signs that your child is in trouble. These signs include: skipping school, losing or gaining a lot of weight quickly, having trouble sleeping, spending more time alone, or talking about committing suicide. If you see any of these changes in your child, call for help.

Understand

Before you come down hard on your teen for bad behavior, try to understand what's driving it. Could there be trouble in school? Bullying?

Get your children to open up to you about their problems by creating an environment of honesty and respect. Let them know that they can talk to you about anything. Even sensitive subjects like sex and drug use should not be off-limits. Let your children know that you will always love and support them, no matter what they do.